The thing about ed's

So if you're been keeping up and reading the diets I'm on, you can see that I probably wouldn't be considered as having an eating disorder. A lot of people think that you have to be starving yourself or throwing up after meals to be considered as having an eating disorder, and that your goal has to be to starve yourself until you die and be totally unstable. The fact is that none of these are necessarily true. You can be overweight and have an ed, you can eat and have an ed, you can be doing a healthy diet and still be obsessed. In fact, a lot of people who have eating disorders don't even realize they have them. The National Eating Disorder Association lists everything from binge eating (without purging) to distorted body image as types of disorders.

Aside from obesession, compulsion, and taking this to the point of being extremely underweight so as to seriously damage your health, I do also think that having sooo many things listed as ed's is a fabrication of American culture. For example, to begin with sizes in America are automatically bigger. If you're an 8 in America, you're a 10 in Europe. Sizes in the states have also gotten bigger over time. Before the 70's/80's a size 10 was smaller than it is now, so like when they say that Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, she actually wasn't that big by today's standards. A lot of this comes from so much of the population in general being overwieght, and even average-sized people getting thicker. In Europe, there hasn't been a lot of focus on eating disorders yet, especially since not overeating is an everyday concept. The plates and portions of food in America alone are twice the size of those in other countries, and even then they practice leaving something on the plate. Our culture has basically trained us on how to keep expanding our stomaches so we will never be full.

I did try both: not eating at all and purging after eating. I also exercised compulsively, trying to burn more calories during my workout than I consumed in the entire day. First off, I definately do not believe that these have any direct connecting to modeling what so ever. People badmouth the media a lot, but the fact is that my obsessions don't come from comparing myself to other models. I just hate how I look and feel when I gain weight. I hate how clothes fit and how I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body. And when I was actually thin the fear of losing all my confidence and looks could also push me over the edge. (By the way, ed's had nothing to do with me getting sick or needing surgery).

Now, I don't necessarily think I would never go back down those roads again; it's really hard to control yourself when you have fear motivating you. But I also don't recommend these to anyone. The reason why I'm having to be more healthy now is that with ana/mia, my metabolism gets all over the place and I actually don't lose weight. The healthier diet alternative is working okay right now, and as long as I'm losing weight I'm happy.

By the way, as an ex- diet coke addict, I know that diet coke is a fave for any ed girl, but seriously I quit (I only drink a couple cans a week now when I go out). It really causes cellulite and even though it's one calorie the caramel coloring transforms into sugar i.e. fat, plus the caffiene screws up your metabolism and it prevents fat burn and locks toxins into the body. So yeah, as much as I love it I hate to say that diet coke is the devil.

Chocolate Craving

Red came and went. For some reason he wants to wait until tomorrow to call the producer.

I've actually been really good about my diet today, I sort of spread lunch out over the past few hours and it melded into dinner, so I ate less than I normally would. Except that now I'm totally craving chocolate.

When I really get a strong craving like this, I go into my stash of Kashi go-lean bars. They have the classic chocolate-covered protien bars or you can actually get like oatmeal bars dipped in chocolate. They're pretty good and even though they're all pretty high in calories, they're mostly from protien carbs instead of fat. Plus they're high in calcium and iron which are good at helping burn fat. It's not perfect and I don't recommend you eat them a lot, but at least when i get these cravings I can nibble on half a bar and it keeps me from running out to binge on brownies and snickers :P

Makeup

Right about now the producers should be meeting with the network again. I'm not expecting to hear from them soon but just knowing this is making me nervous. So I've been sitting here improving my blog :)

So, people have been asking me more questions about modeling tips and stuff, so I should probably add more things like that to the page. Here's a little bit about makeup:

Basically everybody knows that makeup can be really bad for your skin depending on the quality. I'm lucky in that I have really good skin and rarely break out but I've noticed that sometimes bad makeup can really bring out a bad reaction. Especially if you work a lot, you constantly have different kinds of thick makeup on your face. And if you're working with make-up artists, they usually don't use disposable tools so they're working on you with brushes that have touched a bunch of other peoples' skin. I personally think this is disgusting.

My fave brand is ofcourse MAC. It did start out as an actual "make-up artist cosmetics" company, so thier stuff is already great for professional use (this is also why they have so many far out colors etc.). Plus it's very hypoallergenic and I find that it's really easy on my skin. I use only MAC cosmetics, even just for normal daily make-up, and it's still cheaper than clinique or lancome or other upscale brands.

My advice is that you invest in a sturdy cosmetics case, brushes, and a variety of colors and finishes. Brushes can be expensive, but they will last really long if you take care of them and it's worth not using brushes that other people have used since they can harbor bacteria just like a sponge. Ofcourse there are different cosmetics sponsors and especially for fashion shows usually everyone has to use the same brand of makeup. Still, just using your own brushes goes a long way, and it's best to use your own foundation if you can get away with it. The reason I prefer to use my own eyeshadow/liner is because I find that a lot of other brands make my eyes puffy or red, and cause them to tear up which sucks when you need to go on set. Lipstick isn't so bad, but then again if you're lucky the person before you had a cold sore.

Okay, so seriously, I'm soooo not obsessive compulsive. But seriously, this is really important. You make a living using your looks and you don't want to dirty your face with cheap makeup and other people's bacteria.